Who Wears the Pants?

There is a group of people who consider themselves Breslovers, yet they teach something quite contrary to what our Torah tells us, and naturally, also what Rabenu Nahman taught.

In a marital relationship, the man and his wife have two different roles. Each are totally necessary for a properly functioning family. A woman is to be a help for her husband, as the HaShem states in Bereshith 2:18: "...לֹא טוֹב הֱיוֹת הָאָדָם לְבַדּוֹ אֶעֱשֶׂה לּוֹ עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ", "It isn't good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper like unto him." What a woman is not supposed to be, is the leader of the relationship. This HaShem designated to the man, as HaShem states in Bereshith 3:16: "וְהוּא יִמְשָׁל בָּךְ", "and he shall rule over you".

However, this group claims that a man should never correct his wife. They claim the woman is superior spiritually and that the man must follow the woman's every word and certainly not correct any of her mistakes. One of the Rabbis of this group stated that even if his wife put salt instead of sugar in his coffee, he should sit there and sip it and tell her it's great. Seriously? It's forbidden to say, "oh, honey, I'm sorry, but you accidentally put salt instead of sugar in my coffee," and maybe laugh about it with her a make a new cup? Let's get real... 

Consider Yesha`yah 3:12, and tell me if they are making the same mistake the prophet chastised Israel over: "עַמִּי נֹגְשָׂיו מְעוֹלֵל וְנָשִׁים מָשְׁלוּ בוֹ", "My people: their rulers are mockers, and women rule over them."

So, what did Rebbe Nahman really have to say about this?

First, he stated what our Sages stated that a woman's level of da`ath (knowledge, intellect) is less. On the plus side, he stated women often have a pure and unwavering emuna, which is immensely important. What else?

There is a reoccurring idea throughout Liqutei Halakhoth Even Ha`Ezer which deals with the laws between a man and woman, procreation, marriage, divorce, yibum and halitza, etc. This reoccurring idea is the necessity for a man to lead and correct the woman, to cause her to become complete, to give her the wisdom to fill her lack. This is the role of a Jewish man with his wife!

Take for example, the following statement from Liqutei Halakhoth: שלמות העצה" "היא מסטרא דדכורא, כי עקר בחינת חלוקת העצה היא מסטרא דנוקבא, בחינת עצת נשים, "The completion of advice comes from the masculine side, for the real division of advice comes from the feminine side, which is the aspect of the 'advice of women'." This means that the man must correct, lead, repair, send light, wisdom, Godliness, into the mindset of the woman. How can he do this is she is acting like she is the boss and he is going along with it?

The masculine side, throughout Qabala, corresponds to the sun, the side of mercy, the expansive side. Wisdom and advice is likened to semen, as semen partially composed of drops from the brain. The feminine side is likened to the moon, the side of judgment, the restrictive side. She is made to receive the light from the sun, the expansive gives into the restrictive, the judgment is sweetened with mercy. The 'semen' is to be received from the man, i.e. that the woman receives wisdom, guidance, advice from the man.

I honestly do not know how this group, who has written many well known books which have their misconception taught throughout, comes to this conclusion or claims what they say complies with Tanakh (as we have seen, it doesn't) or Haza"l, Qabala, or Breslov (as we have seen, it doesn't). I have no idea why anyone who follows their view doesn't realize how wrong it is!

Women are important, essential, needed, valued, only to be loved by their husbands - but a man who allows her to become the leader of the relationship and who does not lead her and guide her with wisdom is not a man, nor is he truly loving her as he might think he is. He is in fact doing the opposite, and she also does not realize what she is doing!

May all of these problems become fixed and resolved among all Israel and along with raising children properly, the family unit will be fixed, functioning properly, having a tremendous effect on the correction of all the souls born into our families, and bringing Mashiah much closer.